What If?

Life versions vs. regrets

One of my greatest “what ifs” in life involves my decision to leave a job right before it moved me to one of my favorite cities, instead opting for a suburban move to the DMV to return to my career in communications. I’ve often wondered if I had stayed in that job — one that I resented though it offered many perks — and moved to this city I’d wanted to live in for years, how I would have felt. Where would I be now? Happier? Complacent? More stable? More fulfilled? Miserable?

I curate a monthly reading list and one of my reads for last month was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I didn’t expect much from this read, as the hype around it made me suspicious that it might just be too bland or broad to be impactfully enjoyable. Instead, the read was so entrancing, I finished it in a few sittings. It inspired me to explore my many “what ifs” in a gentler way than I have, offering something that felt like hope on my ever unfolding journey of “what ifs.”

Recently, at a retirement party for a Foreign Service colleague who had been laid off from her position after 27 years in the only career she’d known, we started talking about (elements of) the lives we might envy of others and this book, The Midnight Library. Without giving too much away, the book explores the many possible lives of the main character at a pivotal moment through each of her regrets. What the reader comes to find out is that each life comes with different circumstances, people, events, and even regrets. None of us can predict just how our lives would have been in our “what if” scenarios, because that’s just not how they happened. Upon finishing this book, I reflected on the many lives I could have lived — in career, relationships, location, etc. — and realized that even in my uncertainty in my present moment, I am grateful for the moment, because it’s the only one in which I can continue creating one of the lives I might want. I appreciated how the book helped reframe perspectives on all the alternative paths we could have taken and how the present is an opportunity to continue to explore and embark on new ones. My friend’s reminder that the unexpected (undeserved) end to her work does not define the other 27 years of a career she loved, along with another friend’s reminder that we can make our best decisions and still meet with difficult circumstances, are helpful in thinking about my own life and “what ifs.” One bad moment does not define your life or choices, and life is a series of continued choices in one direction or another. This means every present moment is an opportunity.

Ever the planner, trusting the process has not often been my strength, but I am putting my intention and attention toward the things that reward me the most, as I make my way toward another life version in a wave of uncertainty. If you also find yourself thinking about your “what ifs” or regrets (or if you’ve read The Midnight Library and want to apply its theme to your life), join me in exploring the prompts below.

Recommended Reading

• The Midnight Library
  Matt Haig

• The Artist’s Way
  Julia Cameron

• The Alchemist
  Paulo Coelho

Prompts:

• Do you have a list of regrets or decisions that turned you away from what you think success might have been for you? List those out. Take it further by transforming each one into a positive affirmation.

• What other lives could you see yourself living or would you explore if you could? Does one seem ideal now?

• What can you take from those lives and incorporate into your current one (an action, a characteristic, a feeling, etc.)?

• Plan an ideal day in your life as it is today, including at least one element of another “what if” you would have liked to explore. Take it further by choosing a day to incorporate this plan.